For All Have Sinned Part I : Noah’s Nakedness

Wait…What did his younger son do to him?

Well, let’s start with a heavy hitter. This is one of the least known, or spoken about stories in the Bible.

The first time I read the story I was shocked. When I reluctantly picked up the read for the first time, 11 years ago I was surprised. I had a terrible outlook on the Bible then. So when removed the backfill I had dumped over my ideas of reading the Bible, I was relieved. I didn’t know I was uncovering a deep well of timeless content. The adult nature thereof was not what I had expected. On top of that, it was easy to read. Whoever said it was hard to understand must be, at best, teetering on the razor edge border dividing the illiterate from the rabid dogs.

I took the words of the Bible at face value, and I still do the same after having studied theology for 8 years. That being said, my viewpoints at times, are different than those of powerful “churches” and schools of theology. Who portray the accounts of the Bible in the most watered down version, or perversion, they can. And avoid controversy at any cost so they can build their coffee shops and tennis courts under the guise of “church property”, while they collect their 7 figure salary that they don’t even tithe for.

Anyways, read the story at face value and judge for yourself who is right and who is burying their heads in the sand.

The story takes place after the flood has subsided and Noah’s family has begun to restore the Earth. Take a minute and go read the short story, it begins in the 9th chapter of Genesis, verse number 20 and ends in verse 27 of the same chapter. The link ( if you don’t have a Bible with you, it can be difficult to have in hand alway) is right there.

Let’s…uh…do the Story Telling Part Now!

First of all, some “Doctors of The Doctrine” say stuff like this, ” Noah didn’t know the fruit had become fermented thus Noah became drunk accidentally. ” That would be understandable if, you know, he just turned 15, or if he had just a sip.

Nevermind what I just said in no way is it understandable even for a 15 year old. All you need is a sip to know whether the wine is fermented or not. From there, you either choose to stop drinking or to continue. What you don’t do, in pure intended innocence, is get black out, naked, sleeping in the middle of the day with your tent wide-open drunk. Anybody, that believes that was not his fault at all is considering another person too highly. Noah was a sinner just like the next man, and the next for all of time. Is he a great saint? Of course. At this point though, he’s roughly 600 years old and boosin’ in his birthday suit. That banana peels the same way every time. (<- Not real phrase…it just can’t be )

The next issue that comes up for me in theology’s common narrative for this story is that the only sin committed here was by Ham, and that he saw his father’s nakedness, then boom! Noah starts cursing generations of future ancestors and they move on. .

First of all, the Bible says that Ham saw his fathers nakedness only, then he goes and tells his brothers and they cover Noah.

When Noah wakes up from his no shirt Saturday party for one? The Bible says he knew what his younger son had done unto him.

Now remember Ham only saw his father naked, which God looks down on, but Noad had something done to him. Also, notice here that it says he knew what his younger son had done unto him. Ham, Shem and Japheth were born triplets.

Now Noah being awake does what?

He immediately curses Canaan, who hadn’t been brought up in the story yet, instead of Ham.

Think on this, in the Bible no one uses terms like we use within our families. The people of the Bible didn’t say grandson, they called them sons, often they call them younger sons, in fact. What else do you see in the Bible? You see people saying things like ” we’re the sons of Abraham.”. Or “The sons of our father David.”. Never grandson of our father so and so. Jesus Christ himself is called, “ thou Son of David”. And we all know David didn’t literally see Jesus birthed on Earth. They’re separated by seven generations, which include roughly 400 years between the Old and New Testament.

This is what I think

I believe the Bible is implying something more sinister had occured or else Ham wouldn’t have gone straight to his brothers and turned himself in.This is how I see it.

Noah, intentionally gets drunk and passes out, maybe naked, maybe not. Canaan, whether he fully raped his grandfather or undressed him, or did something else , is hard to say. In my mind Canaan definitely sexually assaults Noah in some way. How can you be so sure? You might ask?

Well he must’ve did something specifically, because in verse 24 it says Noah knew what had been done to him. So, it looks like Canaan took advantage of his father (grandfather Noah) while drunk and unconscious. Perhaps Canaan even had some sort of history of Sodomy, or actions closely relating to Sodomy, because Noah instantly reacts before anything is said, cursing Canaan.

Which might explain why Ham saw his father naked. Could it be that Ham knowing Canaan to be one who committed those types sins, went to check on his drunken father? We can’t know for certain but it is an interesting speculation.

Another juicy tidbit

After Canaan leaves and settles elsewhere, the land he settles become Sodom and Gomorrah. Making Canaan, who seemingly had a history of that type of sin, the father of the Sodomites. Sodom and Gomorrah later ,kindle the wrath of God, and God destroys them. I mean absolutely obliterates them for their wicked crimes.

We’ll go over in greater detail in Part II just how bad it was in Sodom & Gomo.

Wow, so that was a lot… First book, 9 chapters in and already with the… gross

Well, I guess this would be the first time we see homosexual incest committed. And the book isn’t even in double digit chapters yet.

This is just the beginning, the Bible is seeped in captivating accounts of all different kinds, so check up uhh idk tomorrow for more. As for this one, in short.

Theology says Noah gets drunk by accident his son Ham sees his father laying naked. For the sake of modesty go and tells his brothers to cover their dad up. Then Noah gets up curses Canaan and everybody moves on.

I say Noah got drunk deliberately and then while he’s passed out, Canaan sneaks in and sexually assaults his grandfather Noah, in such a way that when he wakes he knows what has happened and instantly who has done it. Because there was probably of similar behaviors and sin from times past. Then Canaan goes and settles what will be Sodom and Gomorrah.